To the tune and rhythm of Officer Krupke from West Side Story

Dear Professor Random,

You gotta understand,

Its our training in statistics

That gets things out of hand

Our teachers talk in numbers

Our books are symbols too

Golly Moses, what are we to do

 

Gee, Dr. Random, we're very upset
we never had the love of math

a child oughta get


My dad was stochastic

My mom lost her nerve

We never had a normal curve

 

Normal curve, normal curve

Normal curve, normal curve

We never had a normal curve

 

Our auto correlation

Should tell us what to do

But our spatial distribution

can pixelate our view

 

Were standard deviations

From being understood

Its no wonder

We cant compute too good

 

And so in summation

From i up to n

A double integration means

To do it again

We may be regressing

If our matrix is used

What if our data turns out skewed

 

Well be skewed, well be skewed

Our research will be skewed

If our data turns out to be skewed

 

So please Dr.  Random, your root needs to square
we don't need a grade, we need an analyst's care
All these equations have gotta be curbed
before were mathematically disturbed